Alas Poor Trowa
by Kaori
Summary: This is one of my farewell fics. The semisequel to Post Mortem Ceremony, it's Trowa's funeral!


In a fit of morbid silliness and, perhaps, a bout of madness I got the idea for another pilot funeral. I doubt this is going to be nearly as funny as the first one but I'm going to try anyway. For convenience (and because a reader of the previous funeral fanfic suggested it) I will be resurrecting Wufei.

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, ain't makin' any money, rack off lawyers.

Wanring: AU, OOCness, character death.

Alas Poor Trowa

By Kaori

He was dead; that was clear. He knew it the moment he saw the grinning, winged girl standing in front of him and his body being carted away by paramedics just behind her. A lot of things became much clearer when you were dead; like why toast always lands butter side down and where the missing socks go once they've disappeared from the dryer. However, sitting in the rafters of the synagogue with the winged girl (who had introduced herself as Tatiana) one thing still didn't make any sense:

"Why am I being forced to watch my own funeral?" Trowa asked. Tatiana sighed.

"How many times are you going to ask that? For the last time, I don't know why it's just the rules. Now shush, I want to hear the eulogy."

Trowa shrugged and decided that it wasn't worth agonizing over, especially since he literally had all the time in the world to find out later, and turned his attention to the pulpit.

Quatre had been chosen to give Trowa's eulogy; the obvious choice but not necessarily the smartest one.

"Trowa was...is...my best friend. Granted the first time we met we sniff tried to kill each other sniff... but I wouldn't have I don't think..." Quatre's eyes were starting to water something fierce now. "He never said much, but when he did speak what he said was sniff sniff full of meaning and..and..." he broke down in hysterical crying and one of his sisters led him away.

"Pay up Wufei, I told you he wouldn't last ten minutes." Heero said from his seat. Wufei mumbled something unflattering and handed Heero twenty dollars. Trowa shook his head.

"I can't believe those two made bets on my funeral." He made a face. "No wait, yes I can..."

"Look at it this way, even though you're dead you're still helping your friends out." Tatiana shrugged.

"Isn't gambling a sin?"

"I don't remember that being in the Ten Commandments." Trowa sighed in response and turned his attention back to the funeral. The congregation was singing a hymn of some sort so he decided to observe his former comrades.

Heero and Wufei weren't singing, of course but were trying to avoid the amorous gazes of some of the girls from the circus that were attending the funeral. Quatre was still crying his eyes out, although not nearly as loud; probably so he wouldn't cause a disruption. Duo was singing although he kept glancing up to where Trowa and Tatiana were sitting in the rafters. Trowa blinked. Could Duo actually... He decided to find out and waved. Duo waved back. Trowa tapped Tatiana on the shoulder.

"Tatiana I think Duo can see us."

"Which one is he again?" the non-corporeal girl asked.

"The one with the braid that keeps looking up at us."

"Oh, him. Don't worry about him, he's all right. He's one of us."

"What?! You mean he's a... a..."

"Death angel, yeah." Tatiana said flippantly. "I'll understand if you find that somewhat disturbing."

"Actually no. It certainly explains a lot of things. Is he here for any particular reason?"

"No, he's actually on his hundred year vacation. To tell you the truth, you're my last job before I take mine."

"You people take vacation?!"

"Of course we do! You try taking souls to the Hereafter for half a millennium; you'd need a break too. Especially nowadays, you guys make such a fuss!"

"I didn't." Trowa huffed.

"That's because you've always been prepared. Most people aren't, although I suppose that's not such a bad thing sometimes..." she glanced down at the congregation. "Oh, it looks like we get to the part where your friends say stuff about you."

"Suddenly I'm very worried."

First up was Wufei surprisingly.

"Barton was an honorable warrior and I shall miss him." Wufei said solemnly. "He truly understood justice. Justice is the all-important, all encompassing truth that only the genuinely righteous are able to grasp!"

"Oh God... I knew it." Trowa sighed. "Somebody had better stop him or we'll be here all night." Duo must have heard him because he picked up one of the hymn books, chucked it at Wufei's head, and knocked him unconscious. The congregation broke into applause. Duo flashed Trowa and Tatiana a thumbs up.

"He must really like you; it's not everybody who will risk blasphemy just to shut somebody up." Tatiana commented.

"Blasphemy?"

"I think violence in a church is considered blasphemy... I need to read the rule book again. Oh, your blonde haired friend is going to give it another go... Oh no, never mind he's bawling again."

Heero decided he wanted to say something and the whole church went quiet.

"It's a sad affair when a clown dies. It's even sadder when that clown is your friend."

Shocked silence all around.

"All right Duo, I said it. Now give me back my wallet."

"Uh uh uh! You have to say the whole thing!" Duo yelled back.

"Damn you!" Heero growled then let out a frustrated puff of air. "Trowa was like a brother to me and I'm really going to miss him. There. I said it. Give me my damn wallet!"

"Was that so hard Heero?" Duo said, handing the dark-haired man his wallet.

"Oh shut up." Heero grumbled as Duo made his way to the podium.

"Trowa buddy... It's going to be weird not having you around here but I guess I'll see you later in the afterlife." Was all he said and then he went back to his seat.

"Did he mean that?" Trowa asked. "Literally?"

"Probably." Tatiana shrugged. "Not much left to see here, wanna get going?"

"Sure. Where are we going, exactly?"

"That is up to you." Tatiana smiled, cryptically. "It was always up to you."

Owari


End file.
